In February 2017 my marriage came to an end. I'm not here to get into the details ... those are private and involve too many people for me to share. But I will say, at the time I had a 6 month old and a 2 year old, and I was scared beyond belief.
I'd given up my career to be a stay-home-mom, as was my hope and dream. I didn't want to give that up. But I knew I couldn't depend on my children's father to support us when we weren't even together anymore. I *certainly* couldn't afford to keep our house. We put the house up for sale. I had no idea what I was going to do if/when it sold.
Everyone kept asking me -- "what will you do when it sells?" and my anxiety would mount. I didn't know if I would stay in Hinton, or move back to Calgary, I didn't know if I was going to rent a place, buy a place, get a job, try to stay home ... so many unknowns.
I printed out Jeremiah 29:11, out of desperation. And I started telling myself (and others), "I don't know what my plans are, but God does. And He'll show me when the time comes. He hasn't shown me where to go when the house sells, because, the house hasn't sold yet. Just wait."
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11.
Then came the day we got a (very solid) offer on the house. It was a small miracle in a real estate market gone soft. Much thanks to our relators, Patty and Dennis Olver (who happen to also be awesome people and two of the Christians who inspire me). And I asked God to show me, "what now?" . I opened my computer and there was a notification of a new rental available on the market in Hinton. It was in an area I really liked, and at a price I could afford. It sounded perfect! This was it! God's plan for me! Patty and I went to see it and ... well ... it was a dive. Heavily damaged by bad tenants, the home was filled with the stink of cigarettes and dog pee. Substances were mashed into the carpet and the place was, all around, filthy -- the kind of filthy that can't be scrubbed out, it needs to be renovated out.
I was devastated -- THIS was God's plan for me?? To live in a dive?? Funny thing is, I was so sure I knew God's plan, that I failed to double check with Him. To me, the timing of "ok God what now?" + "new rental listing" = Clear Indication of God's Plan. LOL. I think it's natural and normal to look for signs, just remember, to ask God for final confirmation about whether a sign is, in fact, a sign haha.
Anyway, back to the main story. I was devastated. Driving around crying, wondering how God could have such a home in mind for me and my girls. It was raining out and as the clouds drifted away I saw a rainbow. Even before I was a Christian, Rainbows were meaningful to me -- when I was little I said I wanted to BE a rainbow. I turned down a particular street to get a better view of said rainbow, and, happened to see a "For Rent" sign in a window at the end of the street.
Despite the fact that God put a RAINBOW over his plan for me, I was STILL CLUELESS and stuck on what I thought to be true. I parked my car in front of the rainbow-adorned-rental and thought "oh here is a rental. I should let my friend so-and-so know about it, I know she's looking. Hopefully it's nicer than the place I'm moving to." I decided to call the number on the sign to get more info for her.
While talking to the landlord, I felt God hit me with a brick, and I finally clued in. I made plans to go see the home. It was so much nicer than I expected. It had a view of the forest and hills from the kitchen window. It was close to the forest trails that I loved. Turns out, the landlords were Christians and offered me and my baby girls a really reasonable rental amount. They said the place had been sitting empty, and they couldn't figure out why -- it must have been waiting for me.
We have lived in that home for 5 years now. It has been a good, good home for me while I've learned to be a working-at-home-stay-at-home-mom. The walls of this home have absorbed the sounds of my sobs, the tantrums of my toddlers, and the giggles of our joy. Looking out the kitchen window, I'm reminded of how much God cares for us -- not only did he have a home in mind for me, it was one below my budget, with a beautiful view.
It hasn't been happily ever after. We discovered a chronic, ongoing mouse problem within the structure that is probably way worse than I even realize. That has been the source of much stress for me. And yet, even amidst the negatives, the goodness of a promise fulfilled remains. The mice can't take away the other aspects of this home that I've been blessed with.
At the same time, God slowly revealed his plans for my career, and I've been able to build a sustainable business that doesn't take me away from motherhood. I'm so thankful. The desire of my heart was to be home with my babies, and He made it happen for me. There have been alot of sleepless nights -- I often work on the computer while the kids are asleep -- and I sense God with me through it all. He never fails to give me energy come morning. But that, is a post for another day.
And now, I stand on the brink of a new change -- possibly a new home, one that we can purchase this time. The girls want a pink/purple/aqua room and a yard. I'm excited to see what God has in store for us .. I know I can trust in Him and wait in humble expectation. In the meantime, I'll look out my kitchen window and be reminded.
"Dear God, thank you that you have good plans for me and my family. Forgive me when I forget to trust, or when I grumble about hardship along the way. Help me to trust better and wait with joy rather than impatience. Give me wisdom to know when action is required, and when I just need to be still. I love you God. Thank you for everything. From the bottom of my heart. Amen."
